March 12, 2018

I've never gotten a one-star review that made me so happy.

This is for The Big Book of Girl Stuff, naturally. Virtually all of its Amazon one-stars come from people who clearly haven't read the book... but *this* reviewer may well have! After all, Girl Stuff really does contain revolutionary ideas, like "women have been systematically discriminated against throughout history" and "we need more women in politics."

I've declared today to be Roald Dahl Day!

Please enjoy these offerings:

1.) Roald Dahl would have disliked living in Portland, as he suffered from “pogonophobia,” which is an extreme hatred of beards.

2.) How did I not know that Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay for the James Bond movie, “You Only Live Twice“?

3.) "A persistent muddler. Vocabulary negligible, sentences malconstructed. He reminds me of a camel."
—From Roald Dahl's report card in 1931 (when he was 15).

4.) My phone’s voice recognition spells Roald Dahl as “ROFL doll.”

That concludes the Roald Dahl Day festivities!

Me, after I asked for one shot in my latte, but accidentally got two:


February 26, 2018

"Property Brothers" showed off my property!

My cousin Elaine was watching the show Property Brothers and she noticed Jonathan Scott reading a certain book at the end of the program. Thanks, Elaine!

February 21, 2018


My favorite sweatpants have a tapered, cosmopolitan fit. (It’s important to look cosmopolitan when padding around the house eating cinnamon toast.)

I’ve had these sweats for so long, I couldn’t remember where they came from. So I asked Lynn to check. She went behind me, pulled back the sweatpants' waistband to look at its tag — and started laughing. 

“What’s so funny?”

No answer. More laughing. 

Annoyed, I spun the sweats around as best I could (always a good look), and peered at the label:

“Hanes for Her”

When I put on my water wings, I'm like

February 12, 2018